


‘Even If It’s the Death of Me’

by Sandylee007



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, BAMF Magnus Bane, Drama, Episode: s03e08 A Heart of Darkness, Injured Magnus Bane, M/M, Magic, Possible Character Death, Self-Sacrifice, Worried Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandylee007/pseuds/Sandylee007
Summary: (POSSIBLE) CHARACTER DEATH3x8 ‘WHAT IF’What if Lilith reclaiming Jace ended very differently?‘I will fix it. I will use the last drop of my power if it’s the death of me.’A promise is a promise. And Magnus keeps his with Lilith accepting his offer and her magic wrapped around his throat. It may just be the last thing he ever does.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 51
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea just... ambushed me. This simple question started to haunt me. ‘What if Magnus was powerful enough to defeat Lilith – at the cost of his own life?’ And here we are. (chuckles) (then winces) I don’t know if this strange little thing is any good but I needed to be unleashed, so... Ta-da!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I own nothing. Except for an imagination that’s working overtime, LOL.
> 
> WARNINGS: CHARACTER DEATH / POSSIBLE CHARACTER DEATH. (I don’t know which one to tag, really, LOL.) Mentions of blood and injury. General weirdness... 
> 
> Awkay, then. Let’s go! I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

Over the course of his perhaps far too long life Magnus had thought about death often. It’d been his invisible companion since the day his mother died, always nagging at the back of his head. Always dancing with him but never claiming him, only inviting along those he loved. There’d been times when he was terrified of it. And there were times when he would’ve welcomed it with open arms.

One of the things he’d wondered most often was whether one knew when their time was coming. That day, with Lilith’s magic wrapped around his neck... Magnus knew that it was the end, one way or another.

“Go on ahead... and kill me”, Magnus dared her. He needed her attention on his face, so she wouldn’t see what his hands were doing. Truthfully, he’d known that this was a possibility. That she might respond to her Owl’s distress and come to reclaim him. He’d hoped that they’d manage to free Jace first so he wouldn’t have to resort to the plan B he’d hatched deep in his own head. But if this was what it’d take to defeat her... “But don’t... hurt Alec and Izzy.”

Lilith tilted her head. “You know what? I’ll take you up on that offer.” She approached him. (Just one more step and she’d be close enough...!) “I should probably be afraid of your father. But with him stuck down there and my court up here... What power does he have over me?”

From the corner of his eye he glanced towards Jace. Then to where Alec lay. It helped steel his resolve and with Lilith preoccupied, he willed his hands to move.

He told Alec that he’d save Jace, even if it killed him – and he meant every word.

Finally Lilith was close enough. Gasping futilely for breath, Magnus hoped that he had enough time to do what he planned to. At last his magic responded, gathered to his fingertips to protect him. For the last time.

Magnus had known from the start that defeating Lilith was the only way to truly set Jace free. The thing was, he did have the kind of power to do it, once and for all. After all, he was the son of a Prince of Hell, who was also a fallen angel. He was a demonic royalty. The problem was that he’d need to use _all_ his magic, _every last drop of it_ , like he once swore to do if he had to. There was no coming back from a depletion like that and he very much didn’t want to die, not yet, not when his heart had just woken up for the first time in a century. That was why he’d exhausted himself several times over to find some other way, any other way. But if he was to die today, anyway... Then he preferred a method that’d take the Queen of Edom with him.

Lilith would be gone. Jace would be free. Alec would be whole. Magnus drew comfort from that.

Magnus narrowed his eyes. He was ready. “Funny... how you fear my father...”, he rasped. By then barely conscious. “... but you forget... that I’m his son... and you should fear me, too.”

The element of surprise is a curious thing. Magnus concentrated mightily, then thrust all his magic into her. Well, almost all of it. With one hand he created a protective shield to keep the three Shadowhunters safe. Lilith screamed from anguish and outrage when his little stunt ran its course. In those final moments she tightened her hold on his throat and used her own magic to attack him. It hurt, burned like hellfire, and he couldn’t breathe at all anymore. But Magnus didn’t give up or let his focus slip. Instead he closed his eyes and kept his magic flowing.

_I’m sorry, Alexander, but it seems this was the only way._

He was too powerful for anyone’s good, especially his own.

Lilith’s second scream was even louder than the first but Magnus wasn’t able to hear it. On the last moment the protective shield he created earlier wrapped all the way around the demon. Only seconds later her body exploded. Magnus didn’t see it.

With nothing left to hold him up, the warlock who just literally gave everything there was in him fell to the floor and lay unmoving.

/

Alec began to wake up to a deafening scream. His eyes were still a little bleary when they moved just enough to see Lilith and widen. But he didn’t have time to do anything about the threat she posed. Because in the covers of a blue hue she quite simply exploded to orange and red sparks that looked like Magnus’ angry magic. The whole apartment shuddered and the noise was horrible but no harm befell on anyone but the Queen of Edom.

Dazed and unable to comprehend what was going on, Alec looked towards Jace. Who was just waking up, eyes wide and free of all demonic possession. “Alec, I... Did you and Izzy do it? Because...” The happy laugh and the sheer joy thrumming through their bond made both parabatais’ eyes grow moist. “Alec, I’m... I’m free!”

“I don’t...” Izzy groaned, pressing a hand against her head. “I’m not sure what happened, but... I don’t think we did it.”

All of a sudden it all made sense. “Magnus...!” Alec gasped. The former confusion and happiness made way to fear, then to sheer terror when he saw his boyfriend on the floor. Was the warlock...? “No, no, no...”

Ignoring dizziness, Alec scrambled to his feet and rushed to Magnus. Most of the front of his beloved’s shirt was scorched and he dreaded to imagine the condition of the skin underneath. There was also what looked like strangle marks around Magnus’ throat. He was still breathing but each wheezing, feeble exhale was a battle the mage barely won.

Izzy cried out. Jace gasped, slumping under the weight of guilt, horror and his parabatai’s pain. Alec didn’t notice any of that. His usually flawlessly steady hand trembled when he caressed his boyfriend’s cheek. “Magnus?” There was no reaction and he had to press two fingers on the smaller man’s neck. The beat of life was still there, barely. A tear slid down Alec’s cheek. “Magnus, please...!”

_Thud, thud, thud..._

Magnus’ eyes opened halfway with visible difficulty. A hint of warmth appeared to them. “... stopped her ...” If Alec hadn’t strained he wouldn’t have caught those words. “... it work? ... we win ...?”

Alec nodded, a couple of more tears escaping. “Yeah, it worked. Jace is free.” He couldn’t consider it a victory, though. Not if... _this_ was the price. If the man he loved was the price. He blinked furiously, fighting a war to keep himself composed. “Can you draw energy from me to heal yourself? We... We’ve gotta get you to the Institute. Or we can call Catarina...”

Magnus, however, shook his head.

_Thud, thud..._

Ice-cold dread sped through Alec when Magnus’ eyes began to slip closed again. “Hey, hey!” He sounded like a scared child. At the moment it hardly mattered. “Magnus, stay with me, please!”

Magnus’ eyes remained open but barely. “... am here ... always ...” The warlock tried to smile, then struggled to continue. “... wanted a little more time, with you ... I’m a greedy man ... but if I have to go ... I’m glad it’s ... this way.”

_Thud..._

Alec shook his head. By then he didn’t waste an ounce of energy or concentration on stopping his tears. “Magnus, don’t...!” He couldn’t finish.

Magnus tried to touch his cheek but didn’t have enough strength for it. The man’s eyes were barely open anymore. “... love you ...”

Then there was only silence.

Alec’s heart hammered wildly. As though mocking the fact that the one of the only man he’d ever love just stopped. “Magnus?”

Magnus remained still.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holding Magnus' lifeless body, Alec is in denial. And desperate to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the first thing I post this year I’m FINALLY giving you some relief after leaving this story’s first chapter to a HORRIBLY sad spot. Yay?
> 
> THANK YOU, a thousand times, for all your comments to the first chapter! I can’t believe how many of you enjoyed it. (HUGS) I REALLY hope that this follow-up won’t be a letdown.
> 
> Awkay, then. Let’s go! I hope you’ll enjoy the ride.

Alec wanted to scream. Wanted to trash something, do _anything_ to unleash even a fraction of the agony that’d taken over his whole body and soul. More than anything he wanted to wake up from the horrible nightmare Lilith dragged him, them all, into.

But Magnus’ lifeless body, which he’d pulled protectively against his chest, was far too real. Still warm to the touch despite the heartbeat and breaths keeping it alive having ceased. While one of his arms pulled the warlock closer still the other, unsteady hand pawed at the man’s face. Trying to comfort, desperate to somehow pull Magnus back.

Alec closed his eyes when the stench of his beloved’s scorched flesh made him feel sick, resolutely blocking out the smell. “Stay with me”, he pleaded miserably. “I... I want more time, too. So... Stay with me.”

Magnus remained lifeless in his arms.

The fight they had over immortality came back to haunt him at the worst possible moment. He was so worried about having to leave one day. About Magnus moving on, finding someone new, continuing like he was just another memory among many others. He’d been struggling to accept that as an inevitability. And now... _this_. People always joked about how he tended to overthink things yet this outcome never crossed his mind. Because this was unfathomable. It was _never_ supposed to end this way.

In the middle of his anguish Alec hadn’t noticed that Izzy was sending a fire message. He was so overwhelmed that he also didn’t notice Catarina’s arrival until she gasped in shock and pain. “By the angel...!”

Desperate hope lit up in Alec’s shattered heart. “Catarina, please...! Help him. He’s... I don’t know...” He trailed off when all words failed him.

Maybe it wasn’t too late, after all.

Catarina clenched her jaw in an attempt to ground herself and focus. “Lay him to the floor”, she ordered as gently as she could manage. Seeing how reluctant he was, she sighed heavily. “I understand how difficult it is to let go but it’s the only way I can examine him properly.”

Alec bit his teeth together, then obeyed. Handling the most precious thing he had in the world, he lay Magnus down. His hand clutched at his boyfriend’s limp one anxiously while Catarina’s magic started its work. While he understood, on a level of reason, what just happened his mind still...

Then Catarina shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, and Alec’s heart shattered in his chest. The agony... It struck him like no blade could. (Had he been more coherent he would’ve heard Jace cry out as echoes of it radiated through their bond.) “Bring him back”, he pleaded. Even if his reason reported that such a feat was impossible. He had no idea of the tears in his eyes, nor did he notice the way his voice broke. “Catarina, please...!” He wasn’t just pleading, he was praying.

It couldn’t end like this! They had hardly any time together and far too much of what they did have it felt like fate itself was trying to tear them apart. He didn’t get the chance to say goodbye, or that he loved Magnus, too. He needed more time! To tell and show Magnus just how much the warlock meant to him. To prove to the man just how much he was needed and cherished. Their story couldn’t be over like this!

Before Magnus Alec refused to even think about his future. Because every vision of it that came to his mind was an unpleasant one. Then Magnus came along and Alec’s heart... Once he stopped fighting it hope and dreams began to bud inside it.

Guilt crashed through Alec without a shred of mercy. How was he supposed to not blame himself? Magnus thought that his life was worth sacrificing. That Alec would somehow be alright with losing him. How was he supposed to ever be alright with the fact that his heart and future lay on the floor...!

“I’m sorry, Alec.” Catarina’s quiet, tear-filled voice struck him without mercy. “He’s gone.”

Alec stared, everything spinning in front of his eyes. He’d never met anyone as _alive_ as Magnus. Magnus was the love of his life – his life. He should’ve told him, when he said that he’d save Jace even if it was the death of him...! Alec shook his head in utter despair while his unsteady hand caressed Magnus’ hair. For the first time he truly looked at his boyfriend. Took in the burn marks and paleness, along with the strangulation marks. He smelled the faint but inescapable reek of scorched flesh. And shook his head a third time, anxious to escape what he was witnessing. “No”, was all he could utter, all he had enough breath for.

Alec almost lashed out when a hand landed over his shoulder, until he turned his gaze to see Jace. Crushing guilt radiated through their bond and the blond’s eyes didn’t seem entirely dry. (Had his head been clearer, Alec would’ve wondered how much of his pain registered to his parabatai.) “Alec, I’m so sorry.”

Alec swallowed hard and gathered Magnus to his arms once more when the expression on Jace’s face continued to solidify that he’d have to let go. “Can you... Can you give us a moment?” He wondered if what he managed to push out was anything comprehensible.

Fortunately the others seemed to understand without him having to try producing more speech. Catarina leaned down to press a chaste kiss on Magnus’ cheek and used her magic to wipe away all traces of Magnus’ injuries. (Clearly she couldn’t bear seeing her dearest friend like that. Alec couldn’t agree more.) She then wiped her eyes before retreating swiftly to the balcony. Izzy followed, equally emotional. Jace went last, reluctantly. His brother’s lips parted but eventually nothing came out. (What words would’ve been of any use, anyway?)

Alec barely noticed their departure. He stared at the strongest person he’d ever met, who looked like he was just sleeping now that the damage Lilith inflicted was gone. He stroked the other’s cheek, unaware of the tears running down his own. “I know that I’ve been... preoccupied lately. I haven’t been the best boyfriend because of... everything.” He sniffled. “I wanted us to defeat Lilith and save Jace, but... Not like this. Not with you being the price to pay.” The Shadowhunter didn’t pray often but now it was all he could do so he lifted his desperate, tear filled eyes. “Please...!” (He hadn’t done as much begging in his whole life as he did that day.) “Don’t... Don’t make me lose him like this, when I’ve barely had him.” He attempted to will down the lump in his throat but failed. This was foolish, of course, useless waste of breath and fool’s hope. But this was his world he was begging for! “I... I need more time. I need him.”

Only silence answered him. Magnus didn’t move or even breathe. What was still intact of Alec’s heart splintered to little pieces in his aching chest.

Alec was about to fall apart entirely when Clary dashed back inside from the balcony, her eyes wide and wild. “I just saw a new rune! I’m not sure, but... Maybe there’s still a chance to save Magnus. But we have to hurry, before he’s been gone for too long.” She had to catch her breath for a moment. “What I saw... I think it’d be a bond, between you two.”

The hope in Alec’s heart that was about to go out gained some new life. His eyes widened a fraction. “Do it”, he urged impatiently.

“Alec, wait a second!” He experienced a fraction of Jace’s fear before the other went on. “If this works... Tying yourself to someone who is... gone... It sounds dangerous.”

“He’s right”, Catarina agreed solemnly. “I’ve only heard rumors of something like this because no former attempt has worked. Your soul may easily get lost while looking for Magnus’. We can’t lose you, too.”

“I don’t care!” Under different circumstances Alec might’ve been startled by how little he cared about his own safety and life. “You think I’m not lost now? Jace, don’t you feel the pain I’m in?” He barreled on, unable to stop himself. “When we got back together... I told Magnus that I can’t live without him. And when Clary revealed that she used a wish to bring you back I said that I would’ve done the same thing in her situation.” There was no risk he refused to take if it’d save Magnus. He knew that with more certainty than ever now. “I meant it all. Don’t make me let him go like this!”

Whatever Jace saw on his face made his parabatai nod, slowly and reluctantly. Izzy squeezed his shoulder. “Just... Come back to us or I’ll come to get you. And bring Magnus back, too.”

Alec had every intention to do just that. Appearing more than a little hesitant and wary, Clary got to work. She drew the same mark on both his and Magnus’ wrist. It reminded Alec of two hearts being tied together. Unlike his other runes it wasn’t dark but golden, and incredibly beautiful. Now wasn’t the time to admire it, though.

Because suddenly Alec felt Magnus’ soul. It was frail and distant, almost out of his reach. He reached out for it with every shred of his stubbornness, with his whole heart and soul. “Magnus, can you hear me?” He didn’t even notice the people around him as he went on, his eyes closed. “You... You said that I unlocked something in you. You unlocked something in me, too. You made me feel truly alive for the first time in my life, you made me believe that I deserve to be happy.” There was a strange tingle and he wondered if it was a good or a bad thing. “You clearly don’t know how much I love you. Give me a chance to show you.” This time when he shook his head it was defiant despite his tears, a declaration of war against anyone or anything trying to take the man in his arms from him. “I can’t lose you, I won’t.”

For a heartbeat, maybe two, nothing happened. Alec felt his own soul being tugged towards something dark. Then, so suddenly that it startled him a little, his mind filled with golden light. (Later Jace would tell him that the room they were in filled with that same light.) And the kind of warmth he’d only ever felt in Magnus’ embrace wrapped around him like a blanket. Alec knew what it meant instinctively and his tears turned into those of joy.

He didn’t know how close to... _the other side_ their souls had been but Magnus heard him, and now they’d go back together.

They opened their eyes simultaneously. Magnus’ were full of wonder and moisture. “What did you do?” the warlock breathed out. (Breathed. Alive. Safe in his arms.)

Alec shrugged. And sniffled. (Could he really be blamed for crying, a little?) “You never gave me the chance to say that I love you, too, before you... went. So... I had to get you back to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Alec... Of course you had to get him back. (smiles and sniffles) Thank the angel!
> 
> I’m contemplating adding a third chapter, where their new bond and its impact would be explained. What do you think? AND, what do you think of this chapter? ANY good, at all? PLEASE, let me hear from you! Comments ALWAYS brighten my days.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Perhaps I’ll see ya again one day?
> 
> Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> So... Yeah. That was one NASTY ‘what if’. Oh man, just imagine that 3x8 scene ended this way...! (shudders)
> 
> Sooooo... Thoughts? Comments? Threats? Rants? Was this ANY good, AT ALL? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Comments ALWAYS make my day.
> 
> In any case, THANK YOU so much for reading! Who knows. Maybe I’ll see you around again?
> 
> Take care – and stay safe!


End file.
